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01, Intro [006]

May 15th, 2015, 12:00 am

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Author's Comments:

Reply Incuro, August 17th, 2012, 8:57 pm

(1st panel) The more accurate term would be sparks, but I get what your going for there. (2nd) again with the Anger... (3rd) your doing fine there.

The 4th is the one I want to talk about. The smile. To be honest, That kind of smile is what for me puts most vampires into the same category as snakes... Not to say anything, but baring fangs is a snake thing, and I personally don't think its a vampire thing, but most people are against me. However I have a work around. Human's already have Canine's, so instead of doing that kind of smile I would think that sideways smirk with the teeth showing would work better, just enlarge the canines to fangs. But I want to ask you if we should keep it or change it, I just find it a bit to cliche, but you may prefer it, so I'll leave that to you.

Errm the 5th-6th got my attention too... Not to say anything, I just think there is a better way to handle that... But there are a few problems with it as well... This one is pretty complex actually...

Basically, you are showing off the sword and the Master's strength with that, and that's fine, however I'm debating if the way you did it is the best to do it...
We are going for the sophisticated vampire thing so straight violence may not be the best thing for that, but it would also mean not showing off the Master's power (though the sword can be worked in...). This one probably should be debated more then the others, so I'll include this in the message as well, but I re-imagined this a bit... but Ill save that for the message.

Overall, really good for the finishing of the climax all that remains is the falling action and how we want to work with the last half of this page.

Reply Advertisement, September 26th, 2018, 6:12 am

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